Anticonformist Everything

Toronto buses.

The older buses sometimes leak fumes from the diesel they use into the rear half of the bus, which is where I’m often seated. The natural rejection from my lungs and a mild sense of panic means I don’t need a scientific PPM measurement to prove that the fumes aren’t healthy.

Recently on my usual route I said to myself, “I can’t take this any more, I’m going to complain to the driver.” As I exited the bus, I kindly reported the problem to him. The look in the driver’s eyes and the sound in his voice said, “I will do nothing about this.” I walked away in disappointment.

Later that week, I reported it a second time, on the same bus and route, to the same driver. But he got defensive and again left me with an impression of inaction.

So a few days ago, on another bus route, I was breathing the fumes again. They were so strong that I nearly gagged. But I had already been walking around downtown, irked by fumes and garbage smells on the street. Exhausted from my work day, knocked-down by the environment, I decided to remain where I was.

I breathed deeply, and embraced the fumes as they entered me. I was the city’s victim, relieved in some sad way to give in.

These are the days of less music. My day job has intensified following a promotion. I come home, I’m pretty darn tired, and I avoid spending even more time than I did at work in front of a computer for the recording, website maintenance, show booking, or promotional activities that musicians are obligated to take care of. And let’s not talk about songwriting or rehearsing! But the few songs I have been writing have become even slightly weirder than my usual fare. I saw myself twice on video and thought I was a bit dull, so as a solo artist I think I have to make my songs weirder to keep an audience’s attention. I have definitely been influenced by quirky Hamilton musician Wax Mannequin, an excellent and unusual solo artist.
After the two shows I have next week, I’ll take a break, see what happens energy-wise, and feel where I should go. Creatively, I am very interested in focusing on creating simple video to accompany me while I play. This would also add to making my shows more interesting. It would be a heck of a lot of work and a costly investment in equipment, but that’s what feels right.

I auditioned for a lead role in a new theatre show opening up in Toronto. I even made it to the 2nd callback. The character? A Blue Man fronting the incredible Blue Man Group. I can talk about it now, since I just found out that I didn’t make it — only 1 Torontonian was chosen.
You have to check out Blue Man Group live if you ever get the chance. Their successful multiple productions now add up to a 500+ employee, multi-million dollar independent empire. If you’ve ever seen Intel T.V. commercials with blue-looking guys in them, those are the 3 original actors.
Describing one of their shows in print wouldn’t do it justice. The audience always participates, thumping music abounds, and there are a lot of laughs. The Blue Men are sort of like mute aliens visiting earth, and they like to drum a lot.
Two weeks ago, there was an open call for drummer/actors to play one of the three Blue Men characters for the show. I thought, “Wow, what a change this would be!” Agreeable hours, steady artistic pay, and an unquestionably good experience.
When I went for the auditions, I had a great time, and the Blue Man character was one that I felt I related to personally (should I say that?). In fact, I had so much fun playing the character that I’m currently thinking of modifying the idea and creating a Green Man or something. Before I even knew about Blue Man Group, I had already appeared as “The Holy Green Eco-Warrior” at one of my shows. Hmm, meant to be?
Anyway, better luck next time to be a Blue Man.
Although I doubt there will ever be a “next time” for something this peculiar.

Looking for a place to just sit and relax in Toronto’s Eaton Centre today, I ended up in a Starbucks. I was trying to get away from it all. There are so few places to sit peacefully downtown without paying for something. But having paid for the privilege (1 peppermint tea, 1 evil cookie), I was still unable to relax — Starbucks was playing the latest record by Bryan Adams from start to finish.
Don’t get me wrong — I used to be a fan of Bryan Adams. But his latest stuff is just awful. Adams, like many artists who have seen the big time, usually end up putting out soul-less music because they have nothing more to strive for.
I bristled with discomfort several times while being forced to listen. The music had no life, no memorable sounds or arrangements, and all the musicians who played on it sounded like they were just going through the motions.
I like to call this sort of music “non-music”. Currently, you can refer to anything by Sting, current Celine Dion, current Alanis Morisette. All these artists have also released ballads (the most common sign of an ailing songwriter) — telling of how wonderful life is, how we all have to look through the smog, and how we will see that everything is beautiful if we just think about it. I have to agree with that in fact, but I can’t help feeling uncomfortable when I hear it bundled in a lifeless song.
But my personal conclusion after listening to Bryan Adams today was this: there is just way too much mediocrity in everything. (Yeah, I know you know that, but it really stood out today.)
Is it grooming us all into mindless entertainment slaves?

Yesterday I volunteered at the Toronto Vegetarian Food Fair. I’ve attended this fine show at Toronto’s Harbourfront for many years. What a great event for somebody like me! The volunteer part was easy — you can choose to do a 3 hour shift doing any number of things as a minimum contribution. That’s what I did, selling the Toronto Vegetarian Association’s t-shirts, buttons, stickers, and paraphenalia at one of their tables. They were super-organized, including supplying our table with a cell phone with key people’s phone numbers properly programmed in for you to buzz in case you needed help. And everything was labeled brilliantly. Actually, it was pretty anal. Perhaps being anal comes with being a vegetarian? I can be an anal vegetarian sometimes. Hmm…
Many veggie-minded vendors and attendees were there, and I sampled a lot of food.
Oh yeah, I was asked to be a performing musician at the Fair a couple of months previously. But even though they had planned to have a lot of things set up, they did NOT include a sound system. I decided not to play because nobody would be able to hear me playing my meek little songs unplugged outdoors. So much for playing my 4 veggie-oriented songs to a target audience.

Tonight I went out to see Bullseye Records‘ live performance of a new double-cd of all Beatles covers. It was a pretty pleasant night — nice to see a big Beatles band with genuine horn section. I bought the $20 cd. It looks like a kooky compilation. 50 covers! I’ll let you know how good it is…

Unbelievably, I am bed-ridden at home today with the flu. I say “unbelievably”, because I have literally not been sick enough to want to stay in bed since the dreaded Norwalk Virus Ontario outbreak I suffered from a year-and-a-half ago.
A YEAR-AND-A-HALF-AGO!!
It made me sort of think, “Hmm, everybody else around me has been sick way more often. How can that be?”
Perhaps it is because of my clean-ass lifestyle with no drugs, no booze, no smoking, vegetarian or vegan eating, and as much organic food as I can get my hands on. I mean, wouldn’t that make some sense? I have not too many other explanations.

Gosh, I was extremely upset at hearing of the suicide of activist Tooker Gomberg this week. I shook his hand and chatted with him once, and had seen and read about him many times. This guy was a real-life go-getter for all things green. He hated cars and passionately rode his bike everywhere. He made friendly political stunts and promoted forward-thinking lifestlyes. He actually made changes, too. To find out he killed himself drew very particular feelings from me. Since I, too, suffer from depression, I must admit that I related to him on more levels than I feel I should admit to. I’m sure that the thoughts he harboured also course through my own mind. It sometimes seems hopeless trying to change things to the degree that our planet needs. It’s one of those fights that the majority of humans don’t really care too much about. It’s against a passive and ignorant population. But mark my words: I don’t disrespect anybody in that statement. The phenomenon simply happens to be the result of public education and influences.
People in general only react to immediate and tangible occurrences. For example, in Toronto, if there is a dog attack, there will be police, ambulance, and animal control all upon your doorstep within 10 minutes of the reporting phone call. This is because a dog bite is something immediate. People can see it and react to it right away. There’s nothing subtle or hidden about it. And of course, it threatens the “all-important” human being.
But take the destruction of an entire ecosystem — say, a forest. The only officials to show up are the police, and they only come to enforce the forest’s destruction and keep away its eco-happy defenders. Unfortunately for the forest, humans don’t think about the long-term harm to themselves, let alone the other creatures killed instantly in the process.
I firmly believe that this backwards thinking comes from our ease in turning a blind eye to things that don’t affect us immediately. A polluting truck, food containing steroids, or a lake you can’t swim in are other examples. Incredibly, most people would agree that these things are all “bad”, but they do not threaten them with the immediacy of a dog bite. Therefore, they usually don’t care enough to do anything about it.
So, I think Tooker Gomberg took his own life because he couldn’t hack the relentless and never-ending frustration with the awful way that our world works. I’m amazed that most of us do.

I’ve been reading quite a bit on the subway. I’m reading a third book in as many weeks. This is definitely one of the great advantages to taking public transit. What else does one have to do when sitting patiently for half an hour? I sometimes pine for my geeky self to be connected to the ‘net with an interface of some sort — it would be a little more proactive for me. But that choice will come, eventually. See how wireless interaction is already at our fingertips in major cities with cell phones. Too bad the subways aren’t wired. Although I do have reservations about wireless data streams radiating all over the place. Did you know that you can pass out if you stand right in front of a cell phone tower? Cell phones work on the same principles as microwave ovens.
But a book is still amazing. My favourite genres are sci-fi and sci-fact, so I’m often engrossed in the future history of some universe or another. But I’ll leave the “Teach Yourself to Speak Vulcan” to the real die-hards.

So I’ve got this day job. I don’t think I’ve mentioned this yet in my blog. For nearly 2 months now, I’ve been working in a white-collar office environment, and I crunch numbers and make reports all day. Pseudo-accounting, really. Recently, I told a couple of people there that I was vegetarian, and then someone who I didn’t tell asked me about being vegetarian. OK, so they gossiped about me being a vegetarian. No surprise. That’s the usual. But later, I was chatting with a few employees, and I told them how I come to work with my own distilled water and add chlorophyll and peppermint to it, to give it flavour and prevent it from leeching minerals from my body (as distilled water does). Well, that was it. Their faces went from smiles — to NERVOUS smiles — you know the ones? Um, OK, that’s a bit much, they thought. You could see the mental notes scrawled in their brains.
A third thing happened a few days ago when I went to a bar with my band buddies. In bars, I usually order hot water with lemon if they don’t have any herbal tea. If the waitress doesn’t make a face, then it’s usually the company I’m with. I usually end up having to explain myself.
And finally, today, yet another person at work noticed that I had visited Starbucks, and he thought I had a coffee (it was a tea). He said, “Oh, you’re being BAD!” with an very certain emphasis on “BAD” that told me things.
Now, I know he was joking, I told him I knew he was joking, and he’s actually a super guy, but I said to him, “You know, it doesn’t matter what you’re into — a way of life, a religion, or something that’s different from the average person. But the fact that people just can’t help pointing out where someone fails in their supposedly well-defined lifestyle never ceases to amaze me. I believe it’s one of the great downfalls of mankind.”
He was quiet then, anyway.

OK, Christmas Eve is tomorrow, when I celebrate and host it for my mom’s side of the family. Then I go up north to my girlfriend’s family for a couple of days. I write now because It’s been over a week since I wrote last, and it might be a few days until I have the time again.
I gave my notice at my job today since there are few guaranteed paid hours there for the new year. I accepted an alternate office job for January. It will have acceptable pay and day hours so I can play in the evenings and weekends without interference. It will allow me to master my record, put packages together, and basically fund subsequent minor steps required to make things happen for me. It will also relieve the stress I’ve had paying for rehearsals with The Fortunates!
I’m psyched for the hopeful completion of my record between the days of Dec. 27th and Jan. 5th, when I will be able to focus for the first time in months. Yee-HAR!

In the last week, I had a little unplugged show here in Toronto, recorded and programmed drums for my buddy in Victoria, and went to a few Christmas parties. All fun. It seems that the general mood of Toronto is pretty good at the moment. People are buying things, which lifts the retailers’ spirits, and there aren’t any critical world news items upsetting the minds and moods of Joe and Jane Average.
It’s kind of nice, actually. No major stresses. But it looks like I will be hosting my entire family in my apartment for Christmas, which does introduce certain cleaning and decorating stresses.
Thankfully, this year my family members are only giving one nice gift to one single other family member, which was chosen randomly out of a hat. Let me tell you what a relief this was for me and for all other parties. I’ve heard more and more on the streets that people are really cutting back on the gift giving this year, too. A sign of where things are at economically, perhaps? The spirituality prevails, however. Nobody’s cancelling Christmas because they can’t afford gifts.

I’m getting a big back from all the lifting at this driving job. What a physical workout! Bending over and over all day and night. I worked 12 hours yesterday straight.
I’ve been selling some of my Christmas CD’s with mild success this week through people I know and through strangers. This makes me happy. If I had a Powerbook and an iPod, I could just walk around town, play the songs for strangers, and unload CD’s. Hmm… where’s that extra few thousand bucks?
I started rehearsing for my unplugged show next week. I suck! Not enough practice as a solo artist! At least I’m getting a big back…

Today I started my first shift at a new job. Finally, the bills we be paid. I can’t say it’s the job of my dreams, but it’s a necessity. I’m driving a van around for a catering company. I’ll be spending most of my time loading and unloading it for local events that we’ll cater, as well as stocking it with things like utensils and coolers to also be used where the food will be. The only rough thing I encountered during my first day was the kitchen. As I entered the kitchen (where I will often be), I was bombarded by the sight and smell of many freshly dismembered chickens. I was mildly disturbed and uneasy. I’m not used to seeing that.
How brilliant it would have been for me on my first day to say, “(Ahem) Um…you know, I’m vegetarian, and I don’t really approve of all of these dismembered chickens lying around. There are other alternatives, you know?”
The prompt reply might have been something like, “Aha. Let’s think about that for a moment. Hmm. OK. You’re FIRED!”
But the boss and the owner seem like good fellas — they’ve been working the business for about 20 years. A small crew cooks in the kitchen, and there’s an office assistant. That’s it. Nice little biz. As my mom said, “You can think about your music while you’re driving around!” Indeed, that will be a major benefit.

After a week of unpacking boxes here I’m still unpacking boxes. I’m trying also to set up my little studio in the basement, but there are problems — the walls are paper thin — I can hear a house mate pretty easily in the next apartment. All the pipes down here hiss and squeak. It’s not that the pipes are old or anything, just that they’re shuffling the house’s fluids around a lot. There are 5 apartments in this one house! I’m feeling shy about making too much noise in order to not disturb the house mates, which doesn’t make for confident recording. Luckily, my album is near completion and not just getting started. But the basement itself is kinda nice. I’m also seated better between my speakers and the room itself sounds nicer than my last room.
In the last week, I played squash with my old studio buddy Joao Carvalho, met with the owner of Long & McQuade’s Burlington store about starting up a new audio class for them, talked with and e-mailed lots of old friends as they kindly welcomed me back to Toronto, and looked for regular work as well. It’s quite a jump start from the last few months of my life. I even landed a tiny gig for tonight. Busy week!

Ah, finally. Here I am in Toronto. What insanity it was, moving from one city to another with a 7-hour truck rental (no companies rent for a full day any more on weekends so they can make more money). My girlfriend’s family was late to help load, and she accidentally mowed down our car with the rental truck (nobody was hurt, but our car bumper was destroyed), and we had to dump all of our belongings in a mad frenzy to return the truck on time in the alleyway behind the house. Then we didn’t have space to walk anywhere. There are still boxes everywhere. Yikes! Meanwhile, I’m job hunting again. I’m way over-qualified for all the “dumb” jobs. Damn! I watched Dr.Phil yesterday. There was a dude who had been looking for work for 15 months, and refused to take a “dumb” job because he was earning 100k before. Well, I wasn’t earning THAT much, but as I said to my friend Mike today, now hunting for “dumb” jobs definitely feels like I’m stepping backwards. I want to get back into my music (finishing the album is pretty close), but reality must be tackled first.

This’ll be my last entry for at least a week until I’m settled into my new pad. (Switching internet providers, etc.) I spent 3 days commuting to Toronto to clean my new place and run errands. My girlfriend can’t stand chemicals, so I cleaned with nothing more than water, vinegar, and baking soda. Yeah, the place is clean now. We’ve pitched as much crap as we could before we move in so we can fit into this smaller and yet more expensive apartment.
Still no job (unbelievable), but whatever. Of course Bell disconnected our phone a day too early. I did some bass recording with Bobby Hebert during the week. The band I’m playing with is now called “The Fortunates”. I like that name! We’re rehearsing more regularly, which sure helps. I laughed a lot during our rehearsal last night — just one of those funny, care-free, mistake-ridden rehearsals.
As my girlfriend was explaining to me that she was worried about crime in Toronto, some dude egged our car windshield pretty hard while we were driving here in Hamilton last night. I screeched the car to a halt, but everything was fine. It just goes to show, there are always people who aren’t looking out for your best interests in ANY town.
For my last nite here, I’m going to bike in the pro-environment Critical Mass ride for one last time. I’ll be wearing a witch’s hat! Oooooo!

I met with Hamilton musician / man-about-town Bobby Hebert here a few days ago. I got to know him when I did this talent hunt thing some months ago. What a positive fellow! We hung out for a few hours, played each other our recordings, and ate vegetarian food from he and his wife’s Thanksgiving dinner leftovers. Deee-licious, it was. Bobby will probably be playing some bass on one of the new songs I’m working on before I leave for Toronto.
Tomorrow I go visit a temp agency I used to work for in order to try and land some work. Apparently they want to re-test me after my 3 year hiatus — as if I’ve forgotten how to type or something. That should take a half-day in itself.
What an ego-drain this whole work search thing has been these past months. It really does make you question who the hell you are, and what the hell you’re doing with your life. I suppose that’s what you get after selling your soul to rock ‘n roll. I have been under-qualified or over-qualified for everything out there. All of my similarly-aged friends have done the responsible thing and found responsible jobs for responsible futures. But so many of them also complain of not making enough money, and endlessly compare themselves to their big-buck-earning comrades like they’re in a competition. I have my fingers crossed for a superb opportunity I applied for at U of T coordinating volunteers for all the things I’m into: social justice, environment, and other minority movements. THAT would be something — a day job with a real purpose!

Aha, over a week since I wrote. Well, in terms of shows, I played as part of the Hamilton Music Scene Festival this weekend. There were lots of people about, since it was also the last weekend of the 2003 World Cup Bike Races here. My show was fun. Had my friend Mike play with me on some songs, and I played with my CD player for a few songs. No sound person showed up. I had to do the sound for me and the two other acts. I also met a drummer I hadn’t seen in years. I appeared on CFMU on Friday night with Ric Taylor to promote the show. Ric had researched me through this site and had a lot of poignant questions which were unexpected… …A sign of a good interview. He invited me to return there around Christmas to promote Hey Michael.
My girlfriend and I got that apartment in Toronto for Nov.1st. We’ve already got 20 boxes of stuff together. I’m job hunting 8 hours a day, including weekends right now. Great cover letters, decent resumes. It’s rather frustrating. Too bad I’ve already used up my “I know people in Toronto” resources to land me work. However, for the record, I’m actually quite sad about leaving Hamilton here! I got to know some people, the community, the sights, etc. I felt I could handle a city of this size with ease. I lived here for one year.

I am now spending a lot of time looking for new work in Toronto. I might end up moving there. The need for cash is strong, and the draw of the big city is sucking me in.